Sunday, 30 November 2014

People aren't what they 'post' to be...

You can't judge someone's life based on their social media site because its just a highlight reel; people aren't going to post about their downs in life. A lot of people showcase on their social media sites a life that they are NOT living. Instead of actually living their life, they are trying to convince people they have a great one.


Sunday, 5 October 2014

Sexual liberation or sexual objectification?


I like that women want to be in control of their sexualities but surely it doesn't need to be seen in the form of booty hanging out of a leotard (no names..). Whatever happened with being a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets?! It's sad to see women sell themselves short; as mere sexual appreciations of men. Surely it is not female liberation when it is causing women to become even more imprisoned by their beauty and their bodies.

Are women confusing sexual liberation with objectification? Are we not just re-asserting the very images that are used in our sexual oppression? There must be another way for women to reclaim control over their own bodies in a non contradictory manner...no?


Sunday, 21 September 2014

You’re a nice guy but…




The ‘nice guy’ is a popular topic of discussion but I thought my take on it was required so here it is in one sentence: being the ‘nice guy’ doesn’t make you the right guy!

It’s as simple as that.

What makes a guy ‘right’ is totally subjective; ticking the ‘nice’ checkbox is certainly a right box to be ticking BUT it’s not the only box we want ticked off! And here, fellas, is why the ‘nice guy’ tends to finish last – he’s just too nice. In other words, he’s exceptional in the ‘nice’ department but scores poorly in other areas we value just as highly yet expects us to overlook it just because he’s a ‘nice guy’. Pssssh…I don’t have to want to be with you just because you’re nice, I think my friends are nice too! Sorry to burst your bubble but the ‘nice’ checkbox doesn’t overrule all; you need to be a nice guy with a whole lot of other things on my list (which I’ve managed to cut down *pats back*, time is ticking!). It’s like going to a phone shop and the sales guy tries to sell you a nice phone but you can't make or receive calls! It being a nice phone no longer has any weight if does not have the basics. Being nice does not overrule!

I felt the need to write this because the other day I witnessed the tragic death of a nice guy and it distresses me to know that nice decent guys think they have to front like they're bad guys to keep a woman interested – you think girls want guys who lie and make them cry? Now that’s just schuuupid! And there’s nothing more annoyingly frustrating than a guy who plays it ‘too cool’; like hello…any more laid back and you’ll be in bed all day! There’s nice and there’s too nice; nice that keeps her smiling all day and too nice that makes her want to throw up because that's all you are and too much of anything can make you sick!


An end needs to be put to cries about nice guys finishing last. Yeah nice guys with no ambition or goals finish last; nice guys with no jobs finish last; nice guys who are pushovers finish last; nice guys who are spineless and lack personality finish last; nice guys with no charm and no confidence finish last; nice guys who are bland and boring finish last; nice guys who wear socks with sandals or think wearing jeans tighter than mine is ok, finish last. You dig? Like really, do u honestly believe a woman would dismiss a Brad Pitt for being 'nice'?! You think if Bradley Cooper was calling/texting me 10 times a day wanting to meet up, surprising me with bouquets, throwing stones outside my window (err actually scrap that, that would creep me out), showing up at my office with a rose in his mouth and a love poem he wrote for me in his hands (a girl can dream)...you think I’d dismiss him as too nice? Of course I want a nice guy; I don’t want the show no emotion type of dude so I can forever be second guessing how he really feels about me, or the ‘bad boy’ who can’t stay on the right side of the law, or even worse, the man who will happily give me a black eye, you think I want an Ike or a C-Breezy?! Stop with this misconception that women only go for bad boys because if a woman is head over heels in love with a ‘bad boy’, chances are it’s not because he’s bad but because he has attributes that she values.

So what's my point? My point is this, when a guy is described as too nice, it generally means he's 'just nice' and not much else. It DOES NOT translate to 'he is absolutely mind-blowingly amazing but my dumbass is totally going to ignore that because...he's too nice'. If a woman genuinely likes a guy, damn right she wants him to be nice! Most often, the ones we like aren't nice enough! Let me just say, there’s no such thing as ‘too nice’ if a guy has a lot going on for himself; being the nice guy is a very strong attribute BUTTTTTTT stands painfully weak on its own.

& that’s all folks.

Monday, 25 August 2014

Beauty does not lie in the Booty!

Whether real or arguably fake (ahem, no names), the big booty mania just seems like it won't go away. Many women in the entertainment industry, most notably the video vixens, have used their astronomical behinds to build a career but now the exploitation of the female booty has reached an all time high, and if I see another naked arse photo on instagram, I think I will do Chris Brown back flips! I’m just so done seeing and hearing discussions on women’s fake arses! The huge fascination with it is quite bizarre, after all, the booty is there to sit on and sh*t from! Ok, ok, I guess it’s not really rocket science why men like the big booty but since this is not a Kama Sutra type of article, I will refrain from elaborating! Thanks to Sir Mix A Lot and almost every mainstream rap video ever made, the ‘I love big butts and I cannot lie’ trait happens to be a common male trait that just won’t budge.

Just to clear it up, I’m not a ‘big booty’ hater, in fact I fill my jeans very nicely if I should say so myself! I’m just irritated with the heavy media attention on a female’s behind and it is now said that demand for bum fat injections have increased; it has gone a tad bit too far don’t you think? Women internalise these images of 'beauty'; I don't particularly like being constantly told that I need double D's, a 23inch waist size and somehow, acquire a midget in my arse! I’m pretty sure many women were more than happy with their derrières until Nicki Minaj along with Kim K and their larger than life behinds came along!

These ‘hate your body and desire a body like this’ messages that are continuously being pushed to us are not easily ignored even for the strong minded, so God knows how its negatively influencing the young and vulnerable. Quite frankly, beauty does not lie in the booty so I would hate for any woman to not feel beautiful enough just because she is lacking in the booty department or any department for that matter. What makes a woman sexy is her confidence but before you can ooze confidence, you firstly need to be content with your body and the soul within it. At the end of the day a true man will never deny a good woman simply because she doesn’t have enough junk in the trunk. As desirable as it may be, we must understand that it only serves to make us more sexually desirable and nothing more; 'ass' is not short for asset ladies. So I suggest you tell all the media messages encouraging you to want a bigger arse…to kiss yo' arse!


Sunday, 17 August 2014

Should children be colour conditioned?

Pink or blue? I imagine the question on an expectant parent's mind is whether their newborn baby will be a girl draped in pink or a boy dressed in blue. 'I think I would want the sex of my child to be a surprise when I'm pregnant', the response when I say this is often 'how could you not want to know' or 'but you won't be able to prepare for it properly'. For many, I gather that knowing the sex of the unborn baby matters because from the moment the child is born their gender will determine how they experience life and it will all begin with an innocent colour; pastel pink or baby blue.

It was recently my god-daughter's 6th birthday and at the age of 6, most girls have been sucked into the 'princess phase'. I'm not the biggest fan of princesses so words cannot describe my somewhat joy in hearing that she had asked for a skateboard, Ben 10 watch and a Spiderman toy for her birthday. Her mother was not so amused however, and in her attempt to defer me from buying her daughter something she had asked for she said, 'I don't want my daughter playing with boys' toys!'. I hadn't placed much thought into it before; why are children's toys so gender segregated?


Who says pink is just for girls? Surely by 'pinkifying' girls from the day they are born, we are conditioning children both male and female to associate anything pink with girls right? This seems innocent, however it's not the colour itself that is the issue here, the concern is the things the colour pink is associated with and how it is shaping the gender identity of girls. The pink bib reads 'Daddy's little princess' with hearts and flowers all over it while the blue bib reads 'Mummy's tough guy'. Then there's the toys they play with, girls toys being predominantly princesses and ponies, dolls and prams, kitchen sets, make up and dress up sets etc. In contrast, boys toys include action figures, superheroes, vehicles and construction sets; these help to develop their confidence, competitiveness and control whilst girls toys encourage beauty, romance and nurturing. Boys are told 'that's cool, go and show daddy what you made', while girls are told 'go and show daddy your pretty dress'. What happens in a child's development the more we continue to praise boys for their actions and girls for their looks?

From colour association, children will then move onto word and image associations. What opinions do we think little boys and girls will begin to form of themselves and of each other if words, images and toys associated with power, heroes, action, weapons etc are used with males whilst the associations with females are love, princess, barbies, kitchen sets etc. Children should be granted the choice to make decisions on their actual interests; if my god-daughter wants a skateboard, why should it be marketed as a 'boy's toy'? Why are we limiting children and their imaginations? What boys are interested in vs what girls are interested in are arguably acquired preferences rather than innate.

I believe these early developed gender associations that children make for themselves and each other play a significant part in their adulthood. I'm displeased with the colour conditioning on children; I see how women's plea for equality from their male counterparts may have unawarely began as a child with the colour pink, a colour funny enough once associated with masculinity. For as little girls, anything not pink was not for us to play with and unfortunately everything pink placed us into a narrow minded box of what girls are supposed to do...cook, push prams, dress up, look like barbie then like the princess films aspire to live happily ever after with prince charming. I'm sorry but I want to teach my daughter and son that girls can be pretty and powerful too and for this reason I sure hope my future daughter throws her pink toys out the pram!


Friday, 13 June 2014

The Princess Ideology



Image crisis

Conventionally, princesses have nothing more to offer besides their looks; they are desired and despised for their undeniable beauty. Children watch princesses such as Sleeping Beauty sleep more or less throughout the whole darn thing and then meet the dream man...just for being pretty. By a tender age, young girls have already acquired a mindset that not only is their beauty everything but also a narrow minded definition of what beauty is. Fair skin like Snow White with silky long luscious locks like Rapunzel. I will never forget the day my god-daughter asked her mother for 'princess hair', it saddened me; she was only 4 years old yet this little girl had already learnt that her kinky afro hair was not 'pretty' enough to qualify her as a beautiful princess.

Male validation & female competitiveness

When you think of a princess, you think of a handsome prince. The storyline most often involves a princess being 'rescued' by a prince charming. This conveys a message that a woman's existence is validated by a man resulting in too many women growing up believing they need a man to complete them, rather than to compliment them. Women are not defenceless beauties needing to be saved by a man, no. This also encourages female competitiveness...over men. Remember how Cinderella's ugly stepsisters and stepmother were fighting over the glass slipper in order to be prince charming's wife? Young girls are always wanting and competing to be the princess, the 'it' girl, the one being placed on the pedestal. When a woman is being labelled desirable by men, she is also being despised by women.

'Happily ever after'

'and they lived happily ever after' ...this line right here *shakes head*. Often, their new marriages involves the gain of riches and 'a better life' as we saw with Cinderella. Teaching girls to aspire for marriage and selling them a false dream of being forever happy. Getting engaged/married has become an important life goal for many women and those who have managed to 'achieve' this goal before their 30s think their life is set and even worse, think they are somewhat better than the woman who isn't engaged/married. Becoming a man's wife is not an accomplishment or a ticket to the land of happily ever after that you were told about as a child. Please don't hold yourself up for a huge disappointment when you find that even after marriage, you're still searching for purpose and fulfilment. What princesses forgot to teach is that happiness is not found at destinations, its found on the journey and the journey sure doesn't stop at marriage.


Thursday, 24 April 2014

The Great Escapes (The Friend Zone)

Some guys have been mercilessly locked up in the friend zone and yes...they are doing life. However, some guys are fortunate to have great escapes. Here are examples of the type of guys who end up in the friend zone but not forever.

• You both realised you liked each other at the wrong time and place
It is unfortunate when you realise your head over heels in like with someone...who already has someone. Sometimes the woman of interest is already in a relationship that she can't easily break away from; after all, it’s a big gamble for her to leave Mr ‘doing all the right things’ for potential Mr Right. So you both just remain friends, then finally all your voodoo and rituals pay off because her relationship snaps and so you fit yourself right in through the crack. Well, hopefully not literally! This is a true example of patience is a virtue and letting something you love go…sometimes it really does come back.

• You've stepped up your gaaame!
This one is for the late bloomers or the 'used to tell they friends I was ugly and wouldn't touch me, then I showed up in that dubbed out buggy, and then they got fussy and they don't remember that' guys - yeah them! They started making money and stepped up their swag to 100. They cleared the acne, the braces fixed up the crooked teeth, gave Harry Potter his glasses back and developed a cool talent along the way. Now they’ve successfully transitioned from ugly geek to panty dropper!


You really think Drake was getting chicks looking like this? When he was just Aubrey? I'm pretty sure he was being placed behind the friend zone bars left, right & centre. If the Take Care album is anything to go by, I’m pretty sure that Drake was the nice guy who finished last. But now with the fame, talent, millions to his name, he is a desirable man to many...I doubt those same women would dismiss him now for being ‘too nice’.

She's reached mid-life crisis...your both still single so why not?!
You’ve got it quite bad; out of all the friend zone great escapes, well your escape just isn't great at all because you’re not even second best at this stage, not even. You’ve been in the friend zone for a good while and had to watch all those different guys come in & out of her life before she finally gave you a second look. It sucks really. But hey, the bright side is, the woman you truly love is all yours now and her bad experiences with men in the past means you'll be greatly appreciated.


Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Dorothy Dandridge



Can we take a min to appreciate Dorothy Dandridge please? Why is it that many people don't know about her but know who Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn are? Sigh.. My #wcw for this week











Sunday, 20 April 2014

The Beyoncé Branding

Here are 7 branding lessons we can all learn from Beyoncé.

1. A simple yet effective logo and colour theme. The power of Beyoncé's logo also conveys a message of letting the product speak for itself. Quality products don't need a fancy, over-designed presentation which will only serve as noise between the product and the audience. Whenever I see these two colours together I immediately associate it with Beyoncé's latest album; this should be the case with your branding.


2. Use the branding everywhere! Don't only preserve it for the website and the product, place it all over merchandise, videos and at events. Beyoncé had fans all over the world wearing tops with notable lyrics from her latest album, with her logo font and colour theme. A fun and subtle way to promote her album. Think outside the box and be different. Think 'what else can you brand?' that will not only market your product/s but will be liked and used by your fans.




3. Tell people the story behind the brand. After Beyoncé released the album, she began releasing short vids explaining the process of putting the album together and the story behind each song, conveying to the audience that it is a personal album. Storytelling makes the brand become relatable and enables engagement on a emotional level.

4. People respond to visuals. Beyoncé is aware of the power of visuals; not only did she do a music video for each song on the album, she also announced the surprise album with a short video clip via image sharing network Instagram. A similar clip which served as a mock up movie trailer was released to promote her On The Run tour with Jay Z. She is also very active on Tumblr and Youtube, other visual social media networks. Her Tumblr account is incorporated into her main website making it very image driven, further showcasing Beyoncé's love for communication through visuals.


5. Regularly update social media sites, even if its little. Beyoncé demonstrated the power of social media as a marketing tool when she announced her surprise album and the news went viral later resulting in over 1 million in first week album sales. Putting aside the fact that Beyoncé is a megastar with over 12m followers, she has been very active on her social media sites whether it be to make special announcements, regular behind the scenes clips of her Mrs Carter world tour or to post random photos of cupcakes. Either way, keep your social media sites active and don't only use it when you want to promote. The key is to be 'social' and to somewhat humanise your brand which Beyoncé does well with regular posts of her life; it also allows her to control the conversations we have of her brand.


6. Do something for people and get them involved. Beyoncé engages with her fans by encouraging them to take part; whether it be for her charitable campaign #BeyGood or in conversation such as her 'What is pretty?' campaign.



7. Consistency. Piece all your promo together and make sure it is all connected. The last thing you want to do is confuse your audience. Beyoncé's branding is very calculative; everything that is put out into the public is well thought out and connects well to form the bigger picture of her brand.






Thursday, 17 April 2014

Give Him A Chance!

Thought I'd repost this article I wrote a while ago...hehe.

Since the title is pretty self-explanatory, I’ll get straight to it. Here are five 'types' of guys that I think women (i.e. women twenty five and over and still single…*looks around* ...oh me!) need to show more love to.

1. Let's face it, the short guys tend to get overlooked (yes pun intended). Most women automatically dismiss a guy whose forehead is considerably lower than hers. The tall woman/short man combo doesn't work for everyone especially if it means sacrificing the baddest heels! Luckily for me, I’m only like 5’2 so I rarely even meet a guy whose shoulders are lower than mine but still, I know even short women often prefer the taller guys. This means tall girls want tall guys and short girls want tall guys, hmmm…basic economics tells me that there just isn’t enough supply to meet demand! So how about we give the vertically challenged, I mean short guys a chance. You may also find that they tend to be more driven and/or have great personalities; maybe traits they were forced to develop in order to compete with their taller counterparts? Maybe. Basically, just because they fall short in height, doesn't mean they fall short in everything else *wink wink*.

2. I remember I always used to say I'd never hook up with a guy I met in a club, then realised it was silly to say I'd never hook up with a guy I met in a club because in order for me to meet him in a club...well my arse would have to be boogying in the club too! Truth is I know I’m not half bad so it would be ignorant to think he isn’t a decent guy just because he’s in the club too; he could be there celebrating his friend’s birthday, doesn’t mean he’s a regular there. I know the club doesn't quite make the ideal scene to meet your ideal man, but to be fair, whether a guy approaches you on the streets, in a supermarket, in a library, art gallery, at a wedding or that Sunday night soca rave you sneak to...let's face it, the reasons will be the same – he was attracted to your appearance. You really think he is approaching you for your mind or a personality he doesn’t know yet? Girl, sitcho arse down!

3. What if you have no respect for his profession? Hmm…by all means, a woman wants a 'successful' man. Now everyone has their own measures of success but I think most women can agree that the man slouching on the sofa relying on jobseekers allowance doesn't quite measure up. There are unfortunately, some professions that people just have no respect for; for example, a friend was telling me about a guy she was once dating but just couldn't take him seriously because of what he did for a living which was playing online polka - she just couldn't respect that! Generally, women want a man with 1. 'a' job 2. a 'good decent' job and 3. preferably a REAL job! Obviously age is a factor when it comes to a guy's profession because him working as a shop floor assistant in a toy store was cute in college but him still working as a shop floor assistant in a toy store now aged 35 is not so cute and most importantly makes you question his drive and ambition (or lack of). So why give the man with the disrespected profession a chance? Well because you don't know the man he’ll become; just because you don’t like where he is now, doesn’t mean you won’t love the man he turns out to be in the future. Find out what he’s about first, he could well be a hard working man with a plan and goals, and maybe this job is just a means to an end for now.


4. I know I said baby daddy’s were one of my biggest turn offs because the thought of him sharing something as precious as a child with another woman kinda sucks…well nothing’s changed, it still sucks! However, if he’s doing everything right, are you really going to let someone who is your perfect match slip away just because he happens to already have a child? Look, it would be much more alarming if he had a child that he wasn’t claiming! Besides, a man with a child may have a certain level maturity that one without has not acquired. If he doesn’t come with the baby mama drama then I say give him a shot and if things go well prep yourself up for some step-monster, I mean step-mother duties.


5. Last but by all means not least, let’s hear out the mature younger dude. Notice I said ‘mature’. I actually know of some guys who got married by the age of 21with NO child involved, they were just ready to settle down early (and no they didn’t have a gun to their heads, I already asked that question). Don’t automatically write him off as irresponsible and immature just because he’s younger. I mean, obviously there is a paedophilia territory that you just don’t cross, just don’t! Overall, older women/younger men relationships can work out...was going to use Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher as an example but can't now, but hey with a MASSIVE age gap of 23 years, I'm impressed that they even maintained a marriage for 6 years. I'll have to settle with the Careys as an example -----and after marriage and two babies in the carriage, they still appear to be going strong. So yeah, don’t go cradle snatching all at once now ladies!

Sunday, 13 April 2014

Ugh. Are you for real?!

Ok so, remember that guy or girl from your past who you just couldn't get enough of? The attraction was there, the banter was there, and you both just got on ridiculously well. However, despite having all the ingredients to form a solid relationship, for some unknown reason to you s/he just didn't want to be with you on a serious level. You ended up in this strange realm where you're not quite in the friend zone but also not cutting it to the girlfriend/boyfriend status. So one day it finally hits home that this make-believe relationship you have with them in your head has got to stop because its not real. Usually by this point you have already put a lot of emotional investment into this 'friend-lationship' and so the realisation of being rejected kinda hurts. In fact, it really hurts but we're just going to play it cool and not show it; deep down inside though the bitterness is reaaal. I mean, all we can think about is 'how dare you not want to be with ME?! I'm perfect for you; who else is going to love you from your receding hairline down to the corns on your feet?! You really think you can do better than ME??'. There's this great anticipation to see the 'better you' he or she gets into a relationship with since they annoyingly think they can do better. Boi, this new person better be the ish. Then the day comes when you finally see the 'better you'. Wait a min. You didn't want to get with me but you got with this crispy rice cake...


Are you for real?! Ugh.

Friday, 11 April 2014

No Regrets

We met for a reason,
either you’re a blessing
or a lesson.

#FrankOcean

Wednesday, 9 April 2014

Why I stan for Beyoncé




Girls love Beyoncé. Well I sure do! Her show in London was awesome. After fully regaining my voice, I can proudly say that I've reached stan status. Let me commence with my Beyoncé appreciation:

She's not just another manufactured pop star who looks good but lacks talent (ahem, no names). I like it when pretty girls don't have the 'pretty girl syndrome' where they just depend solely on their good looks to get them by. Beyoncé is not one to hold herself back in the name of vanity; have you seen how hard she performs? She turns from beauty into a beast on stage...literally! She looks like she's about to give someone the biggest smack down of their life!


They call her Queen Bey because she's at the top of her game and yes she's 'snatching wigs'! Though its fair to say her music isn't on the same playing field as an MJ record, no one cares because she just slays every single stage she steps foot on! I mean, my sister who used to stan hard for Rihanna has never bought an album before (not even Rihanna's), yet was able to reach for her purse to make that purchase on Beyoncé's album and was up 7am waiting to get her Mrs Carter Show ticket...Beyoncé did that! 



From Queen Bey to King Bey. She is her own boss with a great team behind her and oh yeah, shit loads of money! It is said that she made $200 million from her Mrs Carter show which ended last month - bawse! In a world where there are women who use men as financial plans, I rate Beyoncé for holding it down on her own. She has also cleverly managed to take full control of her personal brand and how she wants us to perceive her. Her work ethic is crazy and despite all her success, she still has so much drive and hunger for more. This woman just won't sit her booty shaking self down!

Speaking of sitting down, when she decided to embark on a massive world tour...had Blu Ivy's umbilical cord even been cut yet?! To top that, she was secretly recording songs along with shooting music videos then BANG! out of nowhere she drops a surprise album on us...*takes a minute of silence*. Then what? She tours again that's what. She made having a baby look so easy; she gave birth then got back to business...and she meant business. This woman truly is a beast.



She's one half of a 'power couple'. Just in case her talent, accomplishments and wealth wasn't something to be envious of, she marries a man who matches her success status. Though its debatable whether or not they are actually happy in love together, she's married with child and that's what women are told to aspire for right?? Well she's got that checked off.

Her work-life balance is...unfair! As much as she works hard (doing something she loves), she also gets to live her life and quite frankly, has enough money not to work! Can we also take a quick moment to discuss the fact that she doesn't appear to have many friends? All her candid photos that surface on the net are of her with her team or family. When do you see her snapped with celeb 'friends' or caught given shout outs to celeb 'besties'? She's not on a popularity hype and I like that.

Above all, the reason why I stan hard for Beyonce is because she actually seems like a nice person, and if she's not then this further shows how well she's orchestrating her image. Bow down!


Monday, 7 April 2014

Do what you love, and do it often.



I wonder how many people in this world live their lives for other people. Doing and not doing certain things in order to be accepted by their peers. Going to college, studying subjects they don't want to study, for their parents. Working hard for the government, doing 9-5s they hate, in exchange for 'security'. Following religions they were born into, but don't fully understand. Walking down the aisle with daunting wedding bills due to social pressures to be married with kids by a certain age bracket. Some people don't even marry their true loves due to their parents' unjust disapproval. In our dying hours, will we look back and be pleased with an unfulfilled life?

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Why Lupita is winning



A friend of mine said he just didn't get the Lupita Nyong'o hype. He's opinion was also echoed by my younger sister who also doesn't see what all the hype is about. Her words to me were along the lines of, 'but I've seen black girls way prettier than her...I'm prettier!'. I agreed. I see many beautiful women of all colours and Lupita is in no means an exceptional type of beauty. With that said, I am fully on board on the Lupita hype train.

When I heard her name floating about before seeing her I knew from the surname she must be African. Then I saw her. I won't lie the only thing she had managed to tick off from my expectation list was that she was indeed African but even still, I didn't expect her to look fully African. Let's be real, we can not escape the reality that there is an 'accepted face of blackness' that the media promotes particularly with women. I absolutely hate the tired light skin vs dark skin debate (trust me I do) but...it's real. Take a second to think of HUGE current black female pop stars...I bet they are undeniably fair skinned women. In the world of movies there's Halle Berry whom at one point was hailed as one of the most desirable black women; she starred in a biopic for legendary actress Dorothy Dandridge (also of mixed heritage). Oh and we can take it to a political level too with Obama and even Rosa Parks whom people actually think was the first black woman to refuse to give up her seat on the bus, erm nooooo.  My point is that black, or African descent more correctly speaking, is perceived as more acceptable or beautiful in the media the less 'African' it looks. So, reigning back in to my views on Lupita, this chica was centre of attention on every red carpet she graced and praised on every media outlet I came across all whilst looking very African to me. For real?! Let me also mention the hair...and lack of it. She has been rocking natural hurrr and it's not even long, its level one short. Most of the brown skinned women I see in the media have a common feature which is straightened hair with or without the aid of extensions/weaves. Lupita is not only very pigmented, she is also not trying to westernise her appearance with a 30-inch peruvian weave or the other thing women are doing nowadays - face contouring. To top it up nicely, the way she's presented and speaks just exudes a well cultivated elegance and intelligence. She has been elevated into stardom almost overnight and this is not Nollywood, its Hollywood! Yo, ish like this doesn't occur everyday in Hollywood, Lupita is winning! With all that said, I don't believe we should lean towards the media for affirmation of our beauty and validation but I know people do, more particularly young people and so its nice to see some balance.


Sunday, 9 March 2014

Love Lost

My heart hasn't been the same
Since the day we met
My mind hasn't been sane
Since the night you left

Monday, 20 January 2014

The Black Man's Blonde


Thirty inches of middle parted Peruvian weaves so we can have long silky hair
Cancerous bleaching creams so our skin can be fair
Trying to fit into a white-washed perception of beauty
In hope that we will be the center of desirability through the black man's stare


Saturday, 4 January 2014

'Manhood'


There are many moments when I just want my man to let down his guard
Stop proving to the world that he is macho and hard
While he stands strong and tall, behind an emotionless wall
Playing a role from a masculinity script
Where fear, pain and vulnerability is fully stripped
There are days I long to strip you away from your social construct of 'manhood'
Your so called innate, but arguably learnt characteristics of what a man should, be
And for a few minutes please just be human with me
For why must our souls only connect through sex?
Why not bare our souls in heart led dialect, or in the beauty of stillness and silence
Letting the pure bliss of just being in each other's presence go beyond our five senses,
And left unexplained by science.
I long for more moments when we don't play our parts or gender roles
And just be halves making each other whole
Via channels other than physical intimacy 
With me opened wide letting you inside; let's not shun intimacy in its other forms too
Every now and then you should learn to open up, so we can become one with me inside of you.


© Copyright 2013