Sexual liberation or sexual objectification?

I like that women want to be in control of their sexualities but surely it doesn't need to be seen in the form of booty hanging out of a leotard (no names..). Whatever happened with being a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets?! It's sad to see women sell themselves short; as mere sexual appreciations of men. Surely it is not female liberation when it is causing women to become even more imprisoned by their beauty and their bodies.

Are women confusing sexual liberation with objectification? Are we not just re-asserting the very images that are used in our sexual oppression? There must be another way for women to reclaim control over their own bodies in a non contradictory manner...no?

You’re a nice guy but…

The ‘nice guy’ is a popular topic of discussion but I thought my take on it was required so here it is in one sentence: being the ‘nice guy’ doesn’t make you the right guy!

It’s as simple as that.

What makes a guy ‘right’ is totally subjective; ticking the ‘nice’ checkbox is certainly a right box to be ticking BUT it’s not the only box we want ticked off! And here, fellas, is why the ‘nice guy’ tends to finish last – he’s just too nice. In other words, he’s exceptional in the ‘nice’ department but scores poorly in other areas we value just as highly yet expects us to overlook it just because he’s a ‘nice guy’. Pssssh…I don’t have to want to be with you just because you’re nice, I think my friends are nice too! Sorry to burst your bubble but the ‘nice’ checkbox doesn’t overrule all; you need to be a nice guy with a whole lot of other things on my list (which I’ve managed to cut down *pats back*, time is ticking!). It’s like going to a phone shop and the sales guy tries to sell you a nice phone but you can't make or receive calls! It being a nice phone no longer has any weight if does not have the basics. Being nice does not overrule!

I felt the need to write this because the other day I witnessed the tragic death of a nice guy and it distresses me to know that nice decent guys think they have to front like they're bad guys to keep a woman interested – you think girls want guys who lie and make them cry? Now that’s just schuuupid! And there’s nothing more annoyingly frustrating than a guy who plays it ‘too cool’; like hello…any more laid back and you’ll be in bed all day! There’s nice and there’s too nice; nice that keeps her smiling all day and too nice that makes her want to throw up because that's all you are and too much of anything can make you sick!

An end needs to be put to cries about nice guys finishing last. Yeah nice guys with no ambition or goals finish last; nice guys with no jobs finish last; nice guys who are pushovers finish last; nice guys who are spineless and lack personality finish last; nice guys with no charm and no confidence finish last; nice guys who are bland and boring finish last; nice guys who wear socks with sandals or think wearing jeans tighter than mine is ok, finish last. You dig? Like really, do u honestly believe a woman would dismiss a Brad Pitt for being 'nice'?! You think if Bradley Cooper was calling/texting me 10 times a day wanting to meet up, surprising me with bouquets, throwing stones outside my window (err actually scrap that, that would creep me out), showing up at my office with a rose in his mouth and a love poem he wrote for me in his hands (a girl can dream)...you think I’d dismiss him as too nice? Of course I want a nice guy; I don’t want the show no emotion type of dude so I can forever be second guessing how he really feels about me, or the ‘bad boy’ who can’t stay on the right side of the law, or even worse, the man who will happily give me a black eye, you think I want an Ike or a C-Breezy?! Stop with this misconception that women only go for bad boys because if a woman is head over heels in love with a ‘bad boy’, chances are it’s not because he’s bad but because he has attributes that she values.

So what's my point? My point is this, when a guy is described as too nice, it generally means he's 'just nice' and not much else. It DOES NOT translate to 'he is absolutely mind-blowingly amazing but my dumbass is totally going to ignore that because...he's too nice'. If a woman genuinely likes a guy, damn right she wants him to be nice! Most often, the ones we like aren't nice enough! Let me just say, there’s no such thing as ‘too nice’ if a guy has a lot going on for himself; being the nice guy is a very strong attribute BUTTTTTTT stands painfully weak on its own.

& that’s all folks.

Beauty does not lie in the Booty!

Whether real or arguably fake (ahem, no names), the big booty mania just seems like it won't go away. Many women in the entertainment industry, most notably the video vixens, have used their astronomical behinds to build a career but now the exploitation of the female booty has reached an all time high, and if I see another naked arse photo on instagram, I think I will do Chris Brown back flips! I’m just so done seeing and hearing discussions on women’s fake arses! The huge fascination with it is quite bizarre, after all, the booty is there to sit on and sh*t from! Ok, ok, I guess it’s not really rocket science why men like the big booty but since this is not a Kama Sutra type of article, I will refrain from elaborating! Thanks to Sir Mix A Lot and almost every mainstream rap video ever made, the ‘I love big butts and I cannot lie’ trait happens to be a common male trait that just won’t budge.

Just to clear it up, I’m not a ‘big booty’ hater, in fact I fill my jeans very nicely if I should say so myself! I’m just irritated with the heavy media attention on a female’s behind and it is now said that demand for bum fat injections have increased; it has gone a tad bit too far don’t you think? Women internalise these images of 'beauty'; I don't particularly like being constantly told that I need double D's, a 23inch waist size and somehow, acquire a midget in my arse! I’m pretty sure many women were more than happy with their derrières until Nicki Minaj along with Kim K and their larger than life behinds came along!

These ‘hate your body and desire a body like this’ messages that are continuously being pushed to us are not easily ignored even for the strong minded, so God knows how its negatively influencing the young and vulnerable. Quite frankly, beauty does not lie in the booty so I would hate for any woman to not feel beautiful enough just because she is lacking in the booty department or any department for that matter. What makes a woman sexy is her confidence but before you can ooze confidence, you firstly need to be content with your body and the soul within it. At the end of the day a true man will never deny a good woman simply because she doesn’t have enough junk in the trunk. As desirable as it may be, we must understand that it only serves to make us more sexually desirable and nothing more; 'ass' is not short for asset ladies. So I suggest you tell all the media messages encouraging you to want a bigger arse…to kiss yo' arse!

The Great Escapes (The Friend Zone)

Some guys have been mercilessly locked up in the friend zone and yes...they are doing life. However, some guys are fortunate to have great escapes. Here are examples of the type of guys who end up in the friend zone but not forever.

• You both realised you liked each other at the wrong time and place

It is unfortunate when you realise your head over heels in like with someone...who already has someone. Sometimes the woman of interest is already in a relationship that she can't easily break away from; after all, it’s a big gamble for her to leave Mr ‘doing all the right things’ for potential Mr Right. So you both just remain friends, then finally all your voodoo and rituals pay off because her relationship snaps and so you fit yourself right in through the crack. Well, hopefully not literally! This is a true example of patience is a virtue and letting something you love go…sometimes it really does come back.

• You've stepped up your gaaame!

This one is for the late bloomers or the 'used to tell they friends I was ugly and wouldn't touch me, then I showed up in that dubbed out buggy, and then they got fussy and they don't remember that' guys - yeah them! They started making money and stepped up their swag to 100. They cleared the acne, the braces fixed up the crooked teeth, gave Harry Potter his glasses back and developed a cool talent along the way. Now they’ve successfully transitioned from ugly geek to panty dropper!

You really think Drake was getting chicks looking like this? When he was just Aubrey? I'm pretty sure he was being placed behind the friend zone bars left, right & centre. If the Take Care album is anything to go by, I’m pretty sure that Drake was the nice guy who finished last. But now with the fame, talent, millions to his name, he is a desirable man to many...I doubt those same women would dismiss him now for being ‘too nice’.

•She's reached mid-life crisis...your both still single so why not?!

You’ve got it quite bad; out of all the friend zone great escapes, well your escape just isn't great at all because you’re not even second best at this stage, not even. You’ve been in the friend zone for a good while and had to watch all those different guys come in & out of her life before she finally gave you a second look. It sucks really. But hey, the bright side is, the woman you truly love is all yours now and her bad experiences with men in the past means you'll be greatly appreciated.

Give Him A Chance!

Thought I'd repost this article I wrote a while ago...hehe.

Since the title is pretty self-explanatory, I’ll get straight to it. Here are five 'types' of guys that I think women (i.e. women twenty five and over and still single…*looks around* ...oh me!) need to show more love to.

1. Let's face it, the short guys tend to get overlooked (yes pun intended). Most women automatically dismiss a guy whose forehead is considerably lower than hers. The tall woman/short man combo doesn't work for everyone especially if it means sacrificing the baddest heels! Luckily for me, I’m only like 5’2 so I rarely even meet a guy whose shoulders are lower than mine but still, I know even short women often prefer the taller guys. This means tall girls want tall guys and short girls want tall guys, hmmm…basic economics tells me that there just isn’t enough supply to meet demand! So how about we give the vertically challenged, I mean short guys a chance. You may also find that they tend to be more driven and/or have great personalities; maybe traits they were forced to develop in order to compete with their taller counterparts? Maybe. Basically, just because they fall short in height, doesn't mean they fall short in everything else *wink wink*.

2. I remember I always used to say I'd never hook up with a guy I met in a club, then realised it was silly to say I'd never hook up with a guy I met in a club because in order for me to meet him in a club...well my arse would have to be boogying in the club too! Truth is I know I’m not half bad so it would be ignorant to think he isn’t a decent guy just because he’s in the club too; he could be there celebrating his friend’s birthday, doesn’t mean he’s a regular there. I know the club doesn't quite make the ideal scene to meet your ideal man, but to be fair, whether a guy approaches you on the streets, in a supermarket, in a library, art gallery, at a wedding or that Sunday night soca rave you sneak to...let's face it, the reasons will be the same – he was attracted to your appearance. You really think he is approaching you for your mind or a personality he doesn’t know yet? Girl, sitcho arse down!

3. What if you have no respect for his profession? Hmm…by all means, a woman wants a 'successful' man. Now everyone has their own measures of success but I think most women can agree that the man slouching on the sofa relying on jobseekers allowance doesn't quite measure up. There are unfortunately, some professions that people just have no respect for; for example, a friend was telling me about a guy she was once dating but just couldn't take him seriously because of what he did for a living which was playing online polka - she just couldn't respect that! Generally, women want a man with 1. 'a' job 2. a 'good decent' job and 3. preferably a REAL job! Obviously age is a factor when it comes to a guy's profession because him working as a shop floor assistant in a toy store was cute in college but him still working as a shop floor assistant in a toy store now aged 35 is not so cute and most importantly makes you question his drive and ambition (or lack of). So why give the man with the disrespected profession a chance? Well because you don't know the man he’ll become; just because you don’t like where he is now, doesn’t mean you won’t love the man he turns out to be in the future. Find out what he’s about first, he could well be a hard working man with a plan and goals, and maybe this job is just a means to an end for now.

4. I know I said baby daddy’s were one of my biggest turn offs because the thought of him sharing something as precious as a child with another woman kinda sucks…well nothing’s changed, it still sucks! However, if he’s doing everything right, are you really going to let someone who is your perfect match slip away just because he happens to already have a child? Look, it would be much more alarming if he had a child that he wasn’t claiming! Besides, a man with a child may have a certain level maturity that one without has not acquired. If he doesn’t come with the baby mama drama then I say give him a shot and if things go well prep yourself up for some step-monster, I mean step-mother duties.


5. Last but by all means not least, let’s hear out the mature younger dude. Notice I said ‘mature’. I actually know of some guys who got married by the age of 21with NO child involved, they were just ready to settle down early (and no they didn’t have a gun to their heads, I already asked that question). Don’t automatically write him off as irresponsible and immature just because he’s younger. I mean, obviously there is a paedophilia territory that you just don’t cross, just don’t! Overall, older women/younger men relationships can work out...was going to use Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher as an example but can't now, but hey with a MASSIVE age gap of 23 years, I'm impressed that they even maintained a marriage for 6 years. I'll have to settle with the Careys as an example -----and after marriage and two babies in the carriage, they still appear to be going strong. So yeah, don’t go cradle snatching all at once now ladies!