Superheroes & Princesses

We let boys play with heroic action figures
Whilst girls play with dolls with 'perfect' figures
We teach girls that they are weak & teach boys to be unrealistically strong
We encourage boys to hide their vulnerability & girls to believe their self image is wrong
We tell girls their power is in their outer beauty & not what goes on underneath their skin
We tell boys their power is in their strength,
So they should bury their emotions deep within
The girl grows up believing she is only as good as her looks,
Not what she learns from books
The boy grows up thinking he is only as good as his wins
& how much money he brings
But do we stifle the growth of men & women, when we raise the boy to be the hard faced hero
& the girl to just be the pretty princess?
Watching the boy tear himself apart trying to be something he's not
Whilst the girl tears herself down in belief that she is less.

© Copyright 2015

Should children be colour conditioned?

Pink or blue? I imagine the question on an expectant parent's mind is whether their newborn baby will be a girl draped in pink or a boy dressed in blue. 'I think I would want the sex of my child to be a surprise when I'm pregnant', the response when I say this is often 'how could you not want to know' or 'but you won't be able to prepare for it properly'. For many, I gather that knowing the sex of the unborn baby matters because from the moment the child is born their gender will determine how they experience life and it will all begin with an innocent colour; pastel pink or baby blue.

It was recently my god-daughter's 6th birthday and at the age of 6, most girls have been sucked into the 'princess phase'. I'm not the biggest fan of princesses so words cannot describe my somewhat joy in hearing that she had asked for a skateboard, Ben 10 watch and a Spiderman toy for her birthday. Her mother was not so amused however, and in her attempt to defer me from buying her daughter something she had asked for she said, 'I don't want my daughter playing with boys' toys!'. I hadn't placed much thought into it before; why are children's toys so gender segregated?

Who says pink is just for girls? Surely by 'pinkifying' girls from the day they are born, we are conditioning children both male and female to associate anything pink with girls right? This seems innocent, however it's not the colour itself that is the issue here, the concern is the things the colour pink is associated with and how it is shaping the gender identity of girls. The pink bib reads 'Daddy's little princess' with hearts and flowers all over it while the blue bib reads 'Mummy's tough guy'. Then there's the toys they play with, girls toys being predominantly princesses and ponies, dolls and prams, kitchen sets, make up and dress up sets etc. In contrast, boys toys include action figures, superheroes, vehicles and construction sets; these help to develop their confidence, competitiveness and control whilst girls toys encourage beauty, romance and nurturing. Boys are told 'that's cool, go and show daddy what you made', while girls are told 'go and show daddy your pretty dress'. What happens in a child's development the more we continue to praise boys for their actions and girls for their looks?

From colour association, children will then move onto word and image associations. What opinions do we think little boys and girls will begin to form of themselves and of each other if words, images and toys associated with power, heroes, action, weapons etc are used with males whilst the associations with females are love, princess, barbies, kitchen sets etc. Children should be granted the choice to make decisions on their actual interests; if my god-daughter wants a skateboard, why should it be marketed as a 'boy's toy'? Why are we limiting children and their imaginations? What boys are interested in vs what girls are interested in are arguably acquired preferences rather than innate.

I believe these early developed gender associations that children make for themselves and each other play a significant part in their adulthood. I'm displeased with the colour conditioning on children; I see how women's plea for equality from their male counterparts may have unawarely began as a child with the colour pink, a colour funny enough once associated with masculinity. For as little girls, anything not pink was not for us to play with and unfortunately everything pink placed us into a narrow minded box of what girls are supposed to do...cook, push prams, dress up, look like barbie then like the princess films aspire to live happily ever after with prince charming. I'm sorry but I want to teach my daughter and son that girls can be pretty and powerful too and for this reason I sure hope my future daughter throws her pink toys out the pram!

The Princess Ideology

Image crisis

Conventionally, princesses have nothing more to offer besides their looks; they are desired and despised for their undeniable beauty. Children watch princesses such as Sleeping Beauty sleep more or less throughout the whole darn thing and then meet the dream man...just for being pretty. By a tender age, young girls have already acquired a mindset that not only is their beauty everything but also a narrow minded definition of what beauty is. Fair skin like Snow White with silky long luscious locks like Rapunzel. I will never forget the day my god-daughter asked her mother for 'princess hair', it saddened me; she was only 4 years old yet this little girl had already learnt that her kinky afro hair was not 'pretty' enough to qualify her as a beautiful princess.

Male validation & female competitiveness

When you think of a princess, you think of a handsome prince. The storyline most often involves a princess being 'rescued' by a prince charming. This conveys a message that a woman's existence is validated by a man resulting in too many women growing up believing they need a man to complete them, rather than to compliment them. Women are not defenceless beauties needing to be saved by a man, no. This also encourages female competitiveness...over men. Remember how Cinderella's ugly stepsisters and stepmother were fighting over the glass slipper in order to be prince charming's wife? Young girls are always wanting and competing to be the princess, the 'it' girl, the one being placed on the pedestal. When a woman is being labelled desirable by men, she is also being despised by women.

'Happily ever after'

'and they lived happily ever after' ...this line right here *shakes head*. Often, their new marriages involves the gain of riches and 'a better life' as we saw with Cinderella. Teaching girls to aspire for marriage and selling them a false dream of being forever happy. Getting engaged/married has become an important life goal for many women and those who have managed to 'achieve' this goal before their 30s think their life is set and even worse, think they are somewhat better than the woman who isn't engaged/married. Becoming a man's wife is not an accomplishment or a ticket to the land of happily ever after that you were told about as a child. Please don't hold yourself up for a huge disappointment when you find that even after marriage, you're still searching for purpose and fulfilment. What princesses forgot to teach is that happiness is not found at destinations, its found on the journey and the journey sure doesn't stop at marriage.

Do what you love, and do it often.

I wonder how many people in this world live their lives for other people. Doing and not doing certain things in order to be accepted by their peers. Going to college, studying subjects they don't want to study, for their parents. Working hard for the government, doing 9-5s they hate, in exchange for 'security'. Following religions they were born into, but don't fully understand. Walking down the aisle with daunting wedding bills due to social pressures to be married with kids by a certain age bracket. Some people don't even marry their true loves due to their parents' unjust disapproval. In our dying hours, will we look back and be pleased with an unfulfilled life?

Doubters

I am not a reflection of you
Whatever you think you aren't cut out to do, is your issue
Don't make it mine too.

Powerless

Pow-er-less

That feeling when someone you love
Loses someone they love,
And there is nothing you can do or say
To take their heartache away.

Newspapers

Nine to five commutes are swamped with free newspapers, but I prefer to be uninformed than misinformed.

Freak Shows

Exhibited in London Piccadilly Circus as a ‘freak show’ by Europeans who were highly intrigued with her voluptuous figure, I was deeply saddened by the story of Sara Baartman, an enslaved South African woman. Fascinated with her breasts, hips, arse and lips, which were gigantic by Eurocentric standards, she was ridiculed and paraded as a ‘freak’ and commanded to gyrate like a wild beast. Given the stage name ‘Hottentot Venus’, she was placed on a stage, naked and bare, where the Europeans paid to stare. She soon died at a youthful age of 25.

As I read her story, I was not only frustrated by the way the body of an African woman was degraded, but also because this happened in the early 1800s and two centuries later I fail to see any change. Black women in the entertainment industry receive more recognition for their larger than life curves rather than their talent; there is this senseless fascination with the big booty. The media sexually objectifies women in general but I feel as though for black women there is a lack of balance; there are more oversexed half naked type images of black women shoved in our faces in comparison to Oprah type images. Without the balance, it’s very easy for black women to fall into the trap of basing their desirability on the size of their behinds instead of what’s inside their minds. It’s as though our ‘ass’ has become our biggest asset. We stage name ourselves now with so-called ‘alter egos’ and proudly gyrate in music videos. I can’t even go onto Instagram without seeing freak shows on my news feed, young women exhibiting their own bodies. I wish more black men and women knew and empathized with the story of Sara Baartman, an enslaved young African woman who was sexually exploited in a ‘human zoo’ for fortune and fame because the only thing that has changed is that we now happily sexually exploit ourselves.



"All I want for my birthday is a big booty hoe" - 2Chainz


“Most often attention was not focused on the complete black female on display…They are to not look at her as a whole human being. They are to notice only certain parts.” -Bell Hooks, Black Looks

A Fictional Future

My thoughts for today...

Our future is our fiction that can be re-written at anytime. It's our minds' powerful ability to imagine what could be. What 'could' be. Many people get too caught up in their future plans and get so specific with timings...'by the age of 30 I want be to be this and that' and almost certainly set themselves up for disappointment. I've been there before, I was so disappointed with myself on my 25th birthday because I wasn't where I had 'imagined' to be. And why do we set goals for the age of 25 and not 26, why 30 and not 32? Because they are society's made up birth milestones and so there is an unnecessary pressure on us to feel like we've 'achieved' something by then. Its ok to set goals and aspire for something but don't allow your happiness to depend solely on reaching that place in time, that future you perfectly created in your mind. Tomorrow isn't promised as we know, but another thing to embrace is that the future is an unknown realm that you have no full control over. I've sketched out a future in my mind but I now understand that I should find happiness along the way rather than believing that I'll only find happiness in that very day in time that only exists in my mind.

Experience is a great teacher

Today I had the best conversation I have ever had with my mother; I told her to get off my back! Not in those words of course, I do value my life lol. She is very protective of me, so much more than I feel she is with my other siblings, maybe it's a first child thing? I can also see that a lot of her happiness is dependent on my success, she always makes it known how much she had to 'sacrifice' raising five children on her own. So she wants me to have this perfect life with no mistakes because she lives in a world of regrets; its almost like she wants to correct her wrongs with MY life. Unfortunately, no matter how many times you tell a child to stay away from a hot stove so they don't get burnt, they have to touch it first to fully understand. I have a scar on my thigh from getting burnt by an iron when I was a toddler even though my mum always told me to stay away from the hot iron but of course, it was not until I got burnt that I put her words into practice. It left a small scar but it didn't kill me. I already know there are going to be many more moments in my life where I will say to myself 'damn, mum was right' and she will have her 'I told you so!' moments with me but that's the cycle of life. No teacher can beat experience, not even your mother.

Enjoying every minute

My random 'living in the moment' thought today...

I like my sleep. I really like my sleep. So much so that if I for whatever reason wake up as little as 5 minutes before my alarm goes off, I go back to sleep! To some people, going back to sleep for just 5 minutes is absolutely pointless because in their minds all they keep thinking about is 'the alarm clock is going to go off any minute now'. In my case, I don't think of anything in that moment. To me its 5 minutes of being wrapped up in warmth under my duvet, its 5 minutes of tranquility and its 5 minutes of peace of mind before the rush to work starts. I enjoy every minute...

Changing Education Paradigms

I think it's a real shame that we live in a world where parents trust strangers, who happen to be qualified to work in schools, to teach and mould the ideology of their children. I know children have to go to school but I just believe that it is very important for parents to also take authority in shaping their children's minds rather than leaving it in the corrupted hands of TV, the internet and teachers. School teaches kids that there is only one right answer for everything...their answer and it irons out children's sacred gift of imagination. Ever notice how children question everything when they are young but then as they get older it's as though their inquisitive minds have malnourished; schools just don't encourage them to challenge the status quo. As for the media, it teaches us the false value of materialism, sex and vanity as means of happiness and success. There have been numerous times when I've seen my god-daughter cry for a new Barbie or Hello Kitty doll and that's because she's constantly watching TV which is conditioning her at a tender age that these toys will make her happy. But like all material things, once you've attained it it leaves you with a feeling of 'is that it?' and then you soon find yourself looking for the next thing you 'think' will make you happy. Then when our children are teens, we blame celebrities for being bad role models - why does society make parents believe that schools and the media are responsible for their child's mental development and social behaviours but themselves? Why do parents think that they are only accountable for placing a roof over their children's heads, instead of placing a window into their minds; many children grow up to only see things with their eyes. Or putting food into their mouths instead of feeding their minds; clothing their flesh instead of adding layers to their minds?

Peaceful Warrior

This morning I woke up in such a miserable mood; my mind was victimising me. I was angry about past events and I was very unsure about where exactly I'm going in life and what my future holds. The fear that was building up inside of me soon became so overwhelming, it gave way for my emotions to take over. Life just felt so pointless. I was another soul merely just existing, not living. So I had a meltdown. I had reached a very vulnerable state, and it was when I was at my most vulnerable point that I connected with myself and life on a deeper level than I ever have before. After a much needed stroll outside, I decided to go back into the house and not think about anything or anyone but just completely empty my mind from unnecessary thoughts that rob me daily from inner peace. I then got myself cosy in the couch with my leopard print blanket over me and the chocolate biscuits in good reach, and watched a movie called Peaceful Warrior that my sister had advised me to watch for weeks saying it has changed her outlook on life. So I watched the film...now my perspective on happiness will never be the same again! Such an inspirational movie.

The battles we fight are not on the outside but on the inside, in our minds. Mind control is the first step to happiness, learning to clear the mind from unruly thoughts that stop us from living in and enjoying the moment. Live in the now and enjoy the present moment...I've heard this so many times before but I finally get it now.



“. . . Action always happens in the present, because it is an expression of the body, which can only exist in the here and now. But the mind is like a phantom that lives only in the past or future. It's only power over you is to draw your attention off the present.” 

 ― Dan Millman, Way of the Peaceful Warrior