Ugh. Are you for real?!

Ok so, remember that guy or girl from your past who you just couldn't get enough of? The attraction was there, the banter was there, and you both just got on ridiculously well. However, despite having all the ingredients to form a solid relationship, for some unknown reason to you s/he just didn't want to be with you on a serious level. You ended up in this strange realm where you're not quite in the friend zone but also not cutting it to the girlfriend/boyfriend status. So one day it finally hits home that this make-believe relationship you have with them in your head has got to stop because its not real. Usually by this point you have already put a lot of emotional investment into this 'friend-lationship' and so the realisation of being rejected kinda hurts. In fact, it really hurts but we're just going to play it cool and not show it; deep down inside though the bitterness is reaaal. I mean, all we can think about is 'how dare you not want to be with ME?! I'm perfect for you; who else is going to love you from your receding hairline down to the corns on your feet?! You really think you can do better than ME??'. There's this great anticipation to see the 'better you' he or she gets into a relationship with since they annoyingly think they can do better. Boi, this new person better be the ish. Then the day comes when you finally see the 'better you'. Wait a min. You didn't want to get with me but you got with this crispy rice cake...

Are you for real?! Ugh.

No Regrets

We met for a reason,
either you’re a blessing
or a lesson.

#FrankOcean

Why I stan for Beyoncé

Girls love Beyoncé. Well I sure do! Her show in London was awesome. After fully regaining my voice, I can proudly say that I've reached stan status. Let me commence with my Beyoncé appreciation:

She's not just another manufactured pop star who looks good but lacks talent (ahem, no names). I like it when pretty girls don't have the 'pretty girl syndrome' where they just depend solely on their good looks to get them by. Beyoncé is not one to hold herself back in the name of vanity; have you seen how hard she performs? She turns from beauty into a beast on stage...literally! She looks like she's about to give someone the biggest smack down of their life!

They call her Queen Bey because she's at the top of her game and yes she's 'snatching wigs'! Though its fair to say her music isn't on the same playing field as an MJ record, no one cares because she just slays every single stage she steps foot on! I mean, my sister who used to stan hard for Rihanna has never bought an album before (not even Rihanna's), yet was able to reach for her purse to make that purchase on Beyoncé's album and was up 7am waiting to get her Mrs Carter Show ticket...Beyoncé did that! 

From Queen Bey to King Bey. She is her own boss with a great team behind her and oh yeah, shit loads of money! It is said that she made $200 million from her Mrs Carter show which ended last month - bawse! In a world where there are women who use men as financial plans, I rate Beyoncé for holding it down on her own. She has also cleverly managed to take full control of her personal brand and how she wants us to perceive her. Her work ethic is crazy and despite all her success, she still has so much drive and hunger for more. This woman just won't sit her booty shaking self down!

Speaking of sitting down, when she decided to embark on a massive world tour...had Blu Ivy's umbilical cord even been cut yet?! To top that, she was secretly recording songs along with shooting music videos then BANG! out of nowhere she drops a surprise album on us...*takes a minute of silence*. Then what? She tours again that's what. She made having a baby look so easy; she gave birth then got back to business...and she meant business. This woman truly is a beast.

She's one half of a 'power couple'. Just in case her talent, accomplishments and wealth wasn't something to be envious of, she marries a man who matches her success status. Though its debatable whether or not they are actually happy in love together, she's married with child and that's what women are told to aspire for right?? Well she's got that checked off.

Her work-life balance is...unfair! As much as she works hard (doing something she loves), she also gets to live her life and quite frankly, has enough money not to work! Can we also take a quick moment to discuss the fact that she doesn't appear to have many friends? All her candid photos that surface on the net are of her with her team or family. When do you see her snapped with celeb 'friends' or caught given shout outs to celeb 'besties'? She's not on a popularity hype and I like that.

Above all, the reason why I stan hard for Beyonce is because she actually seems like a nice person, and if she's not then this further shows how well she's orchestrating her image. Bow down!

Do what you love, and do it often.

I wonder how many people in this world live their lives for other people. Doing and not doing certain things in order to be accepted by their peers. Going to college, studying subjects they don't want to study, for their parents. Working hard for the government, doing 9-5s they hate, in exchange for 'security'. Following religions they were born into, but don't fully understand. Walking down the aisle with daunting wedding bills due to social pressures to be married with kids by a certain age bracket. Some people don't even marry their true loves due to their parents' unjust disapproval. In our dying hours, will we look back and be pleased with an unfulfilled life?

Love Lost

My heart hasn't been the same
Since the day we met
My mind hasn't been sane
Since the night you left

The Black Man's Blonde

Thirty inches of middle parted Peruvian weaves so we can have long silky hair

Cancerous bleaching creams so our skin can be fair
Trying to fit into a white-washed perception of beauty
In hope that we will be the center of desirability through the black man's stare

'Manhood'

There are many moments when I just want my man to let down his guard

Stop proving to the world that he is macho and hard

While he stands strong and tall, behind an emotionless wall

Playing a role from a masculinity script

Where fear, pain and vulnerability is fully stripped

There are days I long to strip you away from your social construct of 'manhood'

Your so called innate, but arguably learnt characteristics of what a man should, be

And for a few minutes please just be human with me

For why must our souls only connect through sex?

Why not bare our souls in heart led dialect, or in the beauty of stillness and silence

Letting the pure bliss of just being in each other's presence go beyond our five senses,

And left unexplained by science.

I long for more moments when we don't play our parts or gender roles

And just be halves making each other whole

Via channels other than physical intimacy 

With me opened wide letting you inside; let's not shun intimacy in its other forms too

Every now and then you should learn to open up, so we can become one with me inside of you.

© Copyright 2013

Doubters

I am not a reflection of you
Whatever you think you aren't cut out to do, is your issue
Don't make it mine too.

Sinking Ship

Though this relationship continues to sail
I feel as though its about to crash & fail
I can't even recall the last time you rocked the boat
You no longer make an effort to keep our love afloat

We're hitting a rocky shore

And its clear to see you don't want this love anymore

My heart is gradually sinking
Our romance has taken a dramatic dip
So I'm sitting here drinking
Drowning my loneliness with every sip

And now you've got me thinking

Maybe its time to abandon ship?


© Copyright 2013

Powerless

Pow-er-less

That feeling when someone you love
Loses someone they love,
And there is nothing you can do or say
To take their heartache away.

Sad People

Crying about the same shit everyday
Doesn't make the pain go away.

Insanity

'Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.'

- Albert Einstein

I know insane people.

Englishman in New York

I do love this song.

Newspapers

Nine to five commutes are swamped with free newspapers, but I prefer to be uninformed than misinformed.

Chemically 'Corrected'

Farewell to my chemically ‘corrected’ hair

My peer respected and socially accepted hair

Natively neglected and African rejected hair

No more harsh chemicals and over heated pressers

Spending every 4-6 weeks at the hairdressers

Imitating the hair of my ancestral oppressors

Using products that are far from kind

So my coarse undefined tresses can become fine and gain pretentious silk & shine

My thick strands of curls & coils

Regularly bathed in natural oils and treated like royals

My glorious crown of kinks
I'm leaving it to flourish in its natural state regardless of what anyone else thinks
Not easily swayed by the wind, my hair is now wild with no reason to be tamed

I'm so in love and no longer ashamed of my God given precious mane.

                                                                                                                 - eileen carmel

© Copyright 2012